proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
