Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
