Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
