went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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