I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
