Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
