Moan for me like Helen Keller
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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