Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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