we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
