walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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