I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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