I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
