the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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