He uses pillows to masturbate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
