can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ruined the universe
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
