i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
