What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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