We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
