We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Randomize
