nut hugger
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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