I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
