I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize