apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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