fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
