and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
