She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
