im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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