watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
