I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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