Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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