Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
