Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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