I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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