fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
