i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she peed on how many people?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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