i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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