Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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