So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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