I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
