You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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