Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .