I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
