Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(