I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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