The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
