they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
