I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
farters have to be the big spoon...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
