Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
