Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize