Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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