I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
