He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
