just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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