I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
