all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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