you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
