OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
