If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
