I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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