"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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