this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
