...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
