I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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