Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
