You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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