i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is wine microwaveable?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
