THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
