I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
