ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
