there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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