you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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