Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
