can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
