well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
