Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize