If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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